It's been almost 5 years since I finished college and all I've done since then is attend sessions at the nearby mental health clinic, and even with that I feel as if I'm getting worse over time rather than better. The people I went to school with will all have gotten their university degrees by now and be getting jobs and being successful, while I continue to stagnate in a pool of my own failure. So, I decided to do an online university course just as a way to try and give myself a sense of having some direction; that even if I can't go outside and don't get any better at it, I'll at least be progressing in some other way.
The course I chose was BSc (Honours) Information Technology and Computing because while working on a computer seems like an alright way to avoid unnecessary face-to-face contact, I don't have any specific goals for areas to go into, and this seemed general enough to gain a basic level of ability. The first module I'm doing is Data, computing and information. Seems like a fluff module, more theory and ideas than learning anything practical.
The problem I've come across is that I don't seem to remember how to use my brain for this kind of thing. I've forgotten how to study and learn. I'm having to re-read each sentence 5, 6, 7 times just before I can take it in enough to understand what it's talking about, and after that I'll get distracted by something else or just switch off into a daze for the next 20 minutes. As a result of this, work is frustratingly tedious and slow-going, and I'm beginning to strongly worry if I'll be able to keep up with it at all... which just distracts me further while I'm trying to read the material.
I know inability to concentrate is one of the symptoms of depression, but I'm already having treatment and medication for that so I don't know how much more I could try to help things from that angle. Maybe some drug designed for ADD would be useful? I'm seeing my psychiatrist again soon, so I'll ask him about it then. Or perhaps I just need to grind some more paragraphs for a while to gain exp and level up my brain until it's good enough again.
I'm sure a lot of you have experienced similar problems to this, how did you deal with them? Any advice you can give would be greatly appreciated! Also, new layout ho~. What do you think, is it alright?
I know this feeling. About two and a half years ago, I started to go to college again. Basically I came to see I was becomming braindead. But after a month or so basic things such as studying came back to me. Not on the level I used to have in high school and my first try in college. Okay I have to admit that I quit after Christmas break but you just have to stick through. Things will become familiar with your study system again after these years. My concentration never got fixed but I'll just take longer if it means that I can actually work on my shit.
ReplyDeleteBasically, stick with it and it'll probably become better with time.
The subject of school has always got me depressed. I'm on my last semester to get my associates, then I'm going to go for my bachelors. Honestly I feel like I'm just going to school because I need the better paying job. When I sit down and think about the fact that I have to work with other people, I get really pissed off lol. I'm really bad at studying as well & usually have no drive to do so either. I end up cramming, getting a C or B on a test and then feel contempt. It's sad really because I'm spending all this money for classes and I'm not trying. A professor told us(the class) that if we did not know why we were here, we should not be here. But what about those of us that want to make more than minimum wage? I doubt I'll ever have a partner to help me pay bills. I really do hate the way life is forcing it's ugly head in my way. I'm not even sure if I will be able to finish my bachelors due to lack of motivation. This all just feels like it's a big waste of time.
ReplyDeleteThe theme looks great!! But your text is kind of blending with your background so I had to highlight it haha
It's like brainfog. You are reading something but you just can't concentrate on what you are reading. You have to go back again and again to grasp it. Then you just feel like laying down and forget about it. Yep, I know that.
ReplyDeleteYou will probably laugh but it's a good way to concentrate I found. Get out of your chair and do some push-ups, or run for 5 minutes. Do some exercise. This will increase the dopamine in your brain. Drink water and calm down. Now read.
I like this new layout, it's looking really nice. (´ ∀｀)
I quit senior high school the third year. The school was located at the other side of city, and the only way to get there was to walk. Felt bad getting up early in the morning and take a half hour walk just to feel more bad. Shit got me depressed, I lost motivation as days passed, and what bothered me the most was my class"mates". I can study at home now, though. But I've also forgotten how to study and have less motivation now than then. I only do it for my allowance, which I'm afraid they will cut.
ReplyDeleteYour new laout looks great.
New layout is doing it very right.
ReplyDeleteI think after a week or two you'll get into it. The big thing to watch out for is taking it too easy- so be careful!
The studying could be just plain boring, which would exacerbate your ability to study. Try reading the next chapter as well, and see if it is any better or worse. Most first chapters of textbooks are excruciatingly monotonous and boring. Do you find you have trouble concentrating because of distractions? Perhaps you are watching DEM CHINESE GIRL CARTOONS a bit while you are studying?
ReplyDeleteIf yes, that's an easy fix. If no, then make sure that you are eating healthy, getting a bit of exercise, showering regularly, and have a clean living space. This is a prescription for a load of work for a Hikkikikikimori, but it will be well worth it in the long run.
Also, my grandmother had agoraphobia and got over it. One thing that helped her was talking online with peers who suffered from agoraphobia.
I doubt you would want to talk to old people with agoraphobia, but I'm sure there are enough hikkis that you could help each other out.
Just make sure not to Vicious Cycle and tell each other that it is alright to be reclusive (If it doesn't make you happy, i.e., it's just avoiding awkwardness or uncomfortableness in social situations, it's not alright.)
You probably know this from therapy, though, so whatevers.
Yeah, I went into IT with no real goal in mind either. I honestly can't really see myself doing anything with my life. I can't imagine myself working on anything really.
ReplyDeleteEntered my first year and a half as IT and then switched schools due to expense. I was there on a scholarship, but of course I fucked that up and lost it, so went for a Community college. They don't have IT there, and I'm still not sure what I wanted to do, so my mother just encouraged me to take Japanese or something, since she knows I study kanji every day already, it's like the only thing I show an interest in learning about.
Told her there aren't any jobs for that major, and she said that was nonsense. Guess she'll see what I'm talking about when I get out with a degree that's probably less useful than an art degree.
We've all been there. Hell, I'm in the same boat as you are. After years of going to this shitty Community College, I just finally decided I had enough of being a lazy fuck and started taking my studies seriously. So I chose Electrical Engineering, despite knowing jack shit about the subject. Now I'm taking multivariable calculus, linear algebra, and Chem this semester. Sadly enough, I am failing om the first two thanks to shitty study habits.
ReplyDeleteMaybe I'll do what LzK posted, working out is pretty nice.
>I've forgotten how to study and learn.
ReplyDeleteI already feel like this and I'm still young. I feel I've stagnated to a point where it's hard to seriously study anything, my brain just does not allow it.
However, I find that I have a much easier time learning with my hands, despite also being clumsy. Maybe you're the same way too?
Doing what LzK suggested is also great advice. The natural high of working out can work towards clearing your mind, making learning difficult concepts that much easier.
I have study problems myself :/ . Try to think about your future. Then add your degree into the mix and it should give you a future to aspire to. Hopefully this will motivate you to study despite the boring text.
ReplyDeleteThe new layout is really cool. :)
very nice
ReplyDeletei like it
supportin !
Ok, take a piece of everyone's comments here and stick them in this box, because pretty much everything that has been said, I can say about myself as well. I just recently ended over 4 and a half years of being an extreme shut-in, with 3 years of that being NEEThood. I've still not adjusted to the switch, which has lead me to miss the majority of my once a week classes even though they're incredibly easy. I'm going for some sort of degree in graphic design, but I don't want it. It's a constant struggle in my head deciding whether putting up with the classes is a waste of my time or not.
ReplyDeleteThe one thing I have gained is an excuse. Something to tell my mom when she calls, or nosy strangers when they ask what my goals are. I keep telling myself that I have all the time in the world to correct any mistakes I make right now, so I'm sticking with that.
The new theme is lovely by the way~
First of all, I love the new layout.
ReplyDeleteNow, on the meat of the post:
>>the feeling that my life was heading nowhere.
I can absolutely relate. I feel like everyone around me has clear goals and is moving towards accomplishing something grand, while I'm just trying to keep existing.
Personally, I've been trying to figure out what I want to do with my life; I cannot afford to be a NEET, so I need a source of income. I like to write, so I'm double-majoring in History and English, giving me ample opportunity to write and read. Hopefully my degree will allow me to pursue a career in that.
When school gets overwhelming (and it does), I try not to think of it as a huge stretch of time or years; I think of it in terms of weeks, or days, which makes it seem much less imposing.
I also find that typing my notes up and shoving in loads of pictures works as a great mnemonic device, and it keeps me engaged. Like, in my WWII notes, under the Beer Hall Putsch, I have a pic of some Touhous in Nazi uniforms.
So just keep moving forward!
Try studying in a place that isn't too distracting. A clean room makes it easy to focus for me. Also, if my studying requires the computer, I delete my browser icon from my dock. If it requires a browser, I use a browser that isn't my default (Firefox), that way I'm not constantly yearning to click my bookmarks. It might only make it marginally harder to distract yourself, but I think it helps.
ReplyDeleteI know how that is, it feels like you'd be better off just staring blankly at the screen. As for your guess about ADD meds counteracting the problem, I find it to do the opposite, in my case anyhow. It seemed like I couldn't even sit still becuase I was so set to concentrate on something but still with that metal block/braindeadfog. (when on them, I tried adderall and a couple generic ridalin types). So I wouldn't really recommend this route. I second the notion of working out, or running, or even jumping jacks or something to sort of up your natural energy levels. Some times this is the extra push that gets things done. Also, I find when I need to cut down on my backlog, that if I set a time that I will do nothing else on the computer except sift through it, that I actually tend to get things done. Set it up so even if you only end up staring at the title page for 3 hours, at least you weren't doing something else. Don't know if that'll really help much, but it's a hardrive saver for me.
ReplyDeleteI don't think I can really add anything new that hasn't been said already :( You just gotta keep at it and get it done I guess. Good luck :D
ReplyDeleteThanks a lot everyone for the suggestions! Just reading the word "exercise" is enough to get me yawning, but I'll give it a go. Yep... right after I take a nap, I'll get on it.
ReplyDelete